#15 Fart and Burp

The book says: "Farting and burping show us our bodies are doing a good job. They're as natural as the wind that blows, so they should be celebrated, not frowned upon."

Hear, hear! I couldn't agree more - we're far too prudish about our bodily functions in the UK. However, I haven't farted for 6 years now. This is not because I am delicate and lady like, oh no! And if I could fart with gay abandon, believe me I would.

The truth is my digestive system was surgically altered as a life saving treatment for Crohn's disease. My large intestine was removed because it was ulcerated and inflamed to a dangerous degree. Consequently my bowel was diverted out through an opening in my abdomen - this spout is called an ileostomy. You can see a picture of one here:

www.ostomylifestyle.org/ileostomy.php (I don't think this works as a hyperlink, you might have to copy and paste)

So, my poo (and farts) are collected in a bag that I wear on my tummy. Many people might think this isn't very nice, I beg to differ. It's much nicer than living with crippling inflammatory bowel disease, or being dead. Harsh but true. On the whole I barely give my ileostomy more than 5 minutes thought a day. I won't deny there was an adaptation period after the operation, but given the choice between the bag and the diseased bowel it is NO contest - bag every time. I can't think of a single thing that the stoma or bag prevent me from doing. In fact, I genuinely think I value my health, relationships, lifestyle and body far, far more than I ever used to. Now that IS something to be celebrated.

There's more than 100,000 other people with stomas (colostomy, ileostomy or urostomy) in the UK. You probably know someone with one - whether you realise it or not. It's surprisingly common but people just don't talk about it. Shame really. Passing the residue of the food you've eaten is as essential a part of living as eating the food in the first place. I heard a truly horrifying statistic recently - on average 50 people die of bowel cancer every day in the UK. But that's not the horrifying bit - 92% of bowel cancer deaths could be prevented if symptoms were caught earlier. In other words, 46 of those 50 people could survive. If it is caught early enough bowel cancer is the easiest cancer to treat and survival rates could be much better. Bowel cancer is the 2nd biggest cause of cancer death in the country, but quite definitely not the 2nd most talked about. Please, spend 10 minutes reading about the signs and symptoms here:

www.bowelcanceruk.org.uk/home/bowel-cancer

But, more importantly, don't be afraid to talk about it! It's just poo at the end of the day. We all do it - into bags, down the loo, in bushes, whatever - it's all the same. Absolutely nowt to be embarassed about. I've used my unsqueamish attitude to all things poo-ey to help others adapt to living with stomas. I'm the Helpline Services Manager for Ostomy Lifestyle, the UK's stoma support charity. Great cause. You can do your bit by not shying away from poo or wee related conversations. Or donating to Ostomy Lifestyle. Or both!

So, that's a long way of telling you that I don't fart anymore.

Burping is another matter. The book reckons we burp 15 times a day. Hmmm, maybe...I can't say I've ever counted but I'm not shy about it. In fact a friend recently told me I wasn't 'really like a girl' due to my burping (and swearing - see previous post) habits. I think this is a little unfair. I know plenty of girls who burp just as much as me, more in fact. Again, it's a natural by-product of digestion. I'm not into gratuitous belching, or doing it unecessarily loudly after meals as a 'compliment to the chef' (yeah right...) but when you need to allow digestive gases to be released, go for it I say.

Think I've earned my purple star for this one!