#11 Get Your School Involved in a World Record Attempt

Since I'm not actually at school anymore I figured the way to complete this challenge would be either to attempt to break a record by myself or get involved in one that someone else is organising. I had a quick look at the Guinness World Records website and found surprisingly little of interest and quickly realised that trying to break a record by myself could be really hard. I'm just not that good at anything...

I missed a perfect opportunity a month or so back when the BBC were attempting a tree planting record breaker. It would been really easy and ticked off 2 things to do in 1 go (as another of my things to do is to plant a tree) but I was working the day it was happening so it wasn't a go-er. So, imagine my delight when I saw an advert on TV for the Sport Relief Hoopathon! Hula Hoops (they of potato snack and Caz's ultimate hangover cure fame) were going for the world record by getting 1000 people hula hooping simultaneously for 2 minutes. I thought that sounded fairly straightforward and maybe a bit of fun too. I signed myself and my sis up for it and went and bought myself a sparkly hula hoop from a local toy shop. I was utterly dismayed when I got home and discovered that my childhood ability to hoop had abandoned me completely. I watched youtube videos and still couldn't master it. I took the hoop to my sister's and she experienced an equal lack of success. Uh-oh.

Time went by and each time I tried it again the results were the same..... The day of the Hoopathon dawned. Things didn't start well. I set off for Bristol, on the wrong motorway. Don't ask me how. Had to do a cross country mission from the M3 up to Reading to join the M4, which I should have been on to start with. Duh. So, that made me late. We were told to be at the Hoopathon at 11am to register and warm up etc for the record attempt at 12noon. I didn't even get to Becky's until 11.10am. Then we couldn't find anywhere to park. And ended up parking miles away and getting there really late. But, at this stage we weren't actually that worried. We were totally convinced we couldn't hula so it'd just be a wheeze to show ourselves up. However, things were about to change. We signed in and collected our hoops and immediately realised that the hoop we'd been using was seriously undersized.



We set ourselves up in the midst of lots of supple people hooping effortlessly and thought - 'what the heck, let's give it a go anyway'. My word. What a surprise to discover that, with the right sized hoops, we could actually do it! They did a mock 2 minute hoopathon and Becky was delighted to complete it without letting the hoop drop. Mine went down at the 1 minute mark but I was starting to feel just a little bit confident that I might be able to do it. Getting into a good rhythm is key so we got ourselves going 10 seconds before the 2 minutes started. I found a tuft of grass to focus on and timed my hooping to match the beat of the music they were playing. I didn't dare look up. If I'd caught Becky's eye it could all have gone wrong, in shape of much giggling. We were both going strong at the 1 minute mark. I told myself not to get cocky, just stay in the zone and think positive. 30 seconds to go....both still hooping like good 'uns. I had churned the grass beneath me up a bit during the warm up and I felt my foot slip. Argh! What to do? Move my foot back and risk further slippage? No, I just refocused on the new stance and kept going. Phew, close one. But then - disaster! At 15 seconds I noticed Becky's hoop drop. I saw it slip down towards her knees and then on beyond the point of recovery. I wanted to console her but only had a few seconds left. I knew she'd want me to carry on so I sucked it up, dug deep and hooped like never before. I had to concentrate hard during the 10 second countdown lest the excitement get the better of me and cause me to blunder. Victory! Flipping nora - I only went and broke a world record didn't I?! Well, not just me obviously but still. Poor Becky. So disappointed. I could tell she wanted to be pleased for me but really was just gutted she hadn't managed it. I feel it was just bad luck as she was easily capable but got distracted right at the crucial moment and let it slip away. Those of us who were successful signed the record logbook and went home feeling mighty proud. Sorry Becks, but it is a good feeling!

And, just in case you're not convinced, here's me warming up!

#5 Learn How to Ask Someone Out (and How to Dump Them)

It's not a secret that I made the first move towards the husband and me getting together. It happened in a night club in Cardiff. I had just moved there to start my degree at the university and was investigating the local facilities with my friend Jenna (who you've heard me mention before). We were meant to be meeting another friend in a club called Zeus (I know, cheesy or what?) but she didn't turn up so we were left to try and salvage something of the night. A hilarious misunderstanding ensued wherein I thought Jen fancied 'the guy in the blue shirt'. So we shimmied our way over in that general direction so she could dazzle him with her moves. Since she seemed to be taking her time getting around to it I amused myself eyeing up his mate. I remarked to Jen 'that guy with the blonde hair is a bit of alright' which left her very confused since what she apparently said to me was in fact 'what about you and that guy with the blonde hair?' Oh, the topsy turvey world of nightclub miscommunication!

Anyway, I struck up conversation with 'the guy with blonde hair' and, being a forward sort of hussy, extracted his phone number from him. I had a moment or two of dilemma the next day trying to decide whether to call him or not, but, encouraged by my friends (Jen again...) I made the call. From that point on the poor bloke had no chance. A 2nd date was arranged and the rest, as they say, is history - more than 11 years of it in fact.

So, part 1 of this thing accomplished. Since I'm not keen to dump the husband (he's splendid) I'm going to have to drag up truly ancient history and recount a slice of my romantic past. I have only ever had to 'dump' one boyfriend. That doesn't mean I was dumped by the others, it was more like, we parted on mutually agreed terms. I went out with Gareth when I was 17 and he was really very sweet. Unfortunately he lived on the opposite side of the county and we only saw each other at college. Neither of us did anything mean to the other but at some point I decided it wasn't going anywhere (although I'm not sure where a 17yr old ever thinks a relationship is going) so I finished with him. I don't think I was particularly unkind in my breaking up. I did it face to face and we remained friends and if I were to see him now I'm confident we'd be pleased to see each other and have kind words to exchange. And I think that counts as a success as far as 'dumpings' go, don't you? And Gareth, if you're reading this - Hi! Hope you're keeping well! Be nice to see you next time I'm down.

#17 Act in a Play

In order to do this 'thing' contemporaneously (i.e. in the present day) I would probably have had to join an amateur dramatics group [shudder]. Apologies to any am-drammers reading this. It's nothing personal, I just find all that stuff a bit cringy.

Luckily I was more into it when I was younger. I had a minor speaking part in St Ives Junior School's production of 'Annie, Get Your Gun'. I had chorus parts in 'Grease' and 'Little Shop of Horrors' at St Ives Secondary School and a more interesting part in a play called 'Hell's Mouth'. Our drama teacher wanted to move away from the traditional productions and try something new. I was genuinely completely mystified about what the hell was going on throughout the play at the time, and looking back at this photo of the cast does absolutely nothing to shed any light on it:



I'll save you time - I'm the one in the front row in the middle. Wearing the red gloves and hat. No really. My character was called 'G & T'. How prophetic. I basically came on swigging from increasingly large bottles of gin and had to act more and more drunk as the play went on. I have no idea why. I think I was one of 5 'posh ladies' who all behaved obnoxiously for one reason or another. I remember one of the others was called 'Sensible Footwear'. Crumbs. It was a really strange play.

I feel fairly sure I'd make a good actress. It's just a shame that theatre groups make you do all sorts of stupid 'warm-up' exercises, like pretending to be a lion or an elephant. 'Warm-up' my bum, it's clearly a ploy to see who'll be suitable for the really humiliating roles. I mean honestly, can you imagine Sir Ian McKellen crawling around on all floors using his arm as a trunk?! No, if there was a way to bypass all that tosh I'd be picking up my Oscar this time next year. In the meantime I'll stick to writing for my creative outlet, that only needs to be as humiliating as I make it. Which, based on the evidence above, is already humiliating enough.

#8 Learn to Play an Instrument

Like many school children in Britain I learnt to play the recorder when I was little. Being a smarty pants I learnt to play not only the standard descant recorder, but also the treble recorder, which is larger and has a more mellow, less trill sound. This meant I got to look clever and interesting in the recorder group, and play the harmony parts, which were, in fact, often easier than the melody.

My parents encouraged all of us to learn additional instruments. My brothers learnt the clarinet, my sister played the flute and I learnt the violin. Which was the hardest one. Categorically. Now I'm not just saying that to make excuses for not being very good. String instruments are really hard to play. With woodwind instruments like the flute or clarinet you basically either hit the note or you don't. Ok, you might mis-blow, but provided your finger covers the pad more or less, you'll get the note. With strings like the violin or cello there are many degrees in between. You need to plonk your finger on the string in exactly the right spot, half a millimetre either side and it's going to sound flat or sharp - e.g. horrible. And you need to have the string tensioned correctly in the first place too - if not you can put your finger in the right place and it'll still sound horrible. And then you need to master your bowing technique, which means drawing the bow across the strings in the correct manner and matching the speed you move the bow to the speed you move your fingers. Sound complicated? That's because it is.

Here's me demonstrating my skills after my first lesson:



The violin is a classic instrument. By which I mean the music written for violins is mostly classical, and written millions of years ago. It's not funky stuff like that which saxophonists get to belt out. As a teenager I don't really think I understood the music, which doubtless made a difference to how I played it.

I wouldn't say I was ever that good, but I played in several orchestras and passed my Grade 5 violin exam. I even played lead violin in a string quartet. Mum used to wheel me out to play in all the charity concerts she organised. So I must have been making a reasonable noise. I stopped playing when I went away to university so the husband had never heard my talents. Until we found some old cassette tapes recently and played one marked 'Helen Violin'. The husband's gob hit the floor when he heard a beautiful rendition of 'Chanson de Matin'. I couldn't believe how good I sounded and felt a bit gutted that I'd given it up. After 2 or 3 more wonderfully executed pieces there was a recording of a metronome setting a rhythm and that's when I realised that the tape was one my violin teacher had made to help me prepare for an exam. And yes, it was her playing, not me. Oh no. That was disappointing.

Still, I learnt an instrument and hope when I have children they will find an instrument they like to play - maybe a more forgiving one than the violin but as long as they have fun making some noise I'll be happy!

#77 Make your Own Greetings Cards

This seems like a nice thing to do. Lots of people have got into making cards. My friend Emma makes cards for every occasion for her family and friends. I have made cards featuring cross-stitch embroidery in the past but as I've recently acquired lots of beads for making jewellery I thought I'd try my hand at making cards featuring beads. And these are the results:





Choosing greetings cards from nice shops is fun too. I'm not generally a fan of your Clintons' breed of cards, I like to buy from bookshops or Paperchase, where you can find arty ones or unusually funny ones. Choosing cards is a bit of an art form and can say more about how well you know the recipient than the present you give them. I often keep nice greetings cards for my Inspiration Box at work. This is a box of postcards and other images collected to provide motivation, inspiration and/or soothing thoughts in times of stress or trial. It's always nice to pick through and find an image that 'speaks' to you to keep on your desk for the day. So, next time you get a birthday card that you like don't just put in the bin, or even the recycling bin, keep it and pin it up somewhere to make you smile again and again.

#52 Learn to Swim

I have a certificate from a primary school swimming lesson that says 'Helen swam 5 metres, with aids'. Hmmmm. I think this means arm bands but I'm not sure it's what certificates would say these days.

I didn't really take to swimming like a duck to water. In fact it wasn't until my family moved to Cornwall when I was 10 that I got the hang of it. Dad knew about this huge rock pool that was deep and incredibly salty, but not actually very big, so ideal for learning to float and gain confidence. We didn't have a town swimming pool in those days but a local hotel had a small one which never got busy so I learnt to swim greater distances there. Nowadays I quite like swimming as a form of exercise and also enjoy going to a class called Deep Water Running which involves wearing webbed gloves and a float belt and then, yes that's right, running through the water. Sometimes our instructor makes us use these long floaty things that look like psychedelic wotsits. I'm often not very good at the peculiar exercises we do with these things but my efforts cause considerable mirth which is no bad thing.

The book asks if I can...
Float? Well, yes I suppose so. I once did a flotation session at a local spa. That was lush. Super salty.
Doggy paddle? I believe I have moved past doggy paddle and now swim in a slightly more sophisticated fashion.
Crawl? Yes, but not 'properly' where you mostly have your face in the water and all that jazz. Kind of a Hellie-variant I guess.
Breaststroke? Well, this is de rigueur for most swimmers isn't it?
Butterfly? Er, no. This is that mental one where you bob in and out of the water like a demented jack-in-a-box isn't it? Yeah, that looks like it has huge potential for lung fulls of water and messed up shoulders. No thanks.
Backstroke? Yep. Don't tend to bother but it's quite a nice way to ring the changes.
Diving? Hmm, no - I've never even attempted diving so far as I can recall. I once had fun watching the husband and my brothers trying to out-do each on the diving skills in France. That was as close as I've ever come. There's simply nothing about diving headfast into anything other than bed that even remotely appeals.
Snorkelling? I am very fortunate that I learnt to snorkel in the Caribbean. The husband taught me when we were in Panama not all that long ago. We were staying on the Bocas Del Toro islands and kayaked out to Hospital Point where there is a coral reef. We parked up on a teeny beach and after a short lesson and much squealing and false starts on my part I finally got round to putting my head under the water.



I'm so glad I did too. I genuinely could not believe how much was going on under the water. Looking down from above you might be lucky to see the odd fish or two but the second you put yourself in their environment you see that the place is literally teeming with life. Especially on a coral reef. And the noise! The crackling sound of fish munching was incredible. I did freak out at one point when I felt something swim up my shorts and as I was over coral reef and didn't want to put my feet down in case I damaged the fragile environment, I swam like billy-o for the beach much to the husband's amusement. I didn't discover what it was but it stang me on my shin and I still have the scar to prove it :( Snorkelling might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people but it was a challenge for me so I think I have earned my star for this one.

#68 Take Part in a TV Show

As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm not a fame hungry wannabe. The idea of being on TV, simply for the sake of being on TV doesn't appeal. However, when I was a child I was picked out (for my budding intellect and camera friendly looks I assume) to be on a show called 'Corners'. I'll forgive you if you haven't heard of this program. It was a BBC children's program in the 80s. Viewers would submit questions which the presenters, aided by the occasional rising child star (i.e. someone like me) would answer. I know, it sounds riveting doesn't it. Why don't they make telly like this any more?

I promise I'm not making this show up - look it's in Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corners_(TV_series)

What I can't prove, however, is that I was actually on it. I have searched YouTube and the BBC iPlayer to no avail. I was at Swimbridge School in North Devon at the time and Sophie Aldridge and the camera crew filmed me explaining to the breathless masses what a computer was. Remember, this is 1987 we're talking about here - people honestly didn't know what they were then. Neither did I actually, I had simply learnt a script that I recited when they said 'Go'.

So that's it. My 15 seconds of fame. I know it's not that impressive. Sorry about that.

#48 Watch These Films and #49 Read These Books

For this thing to do the book gives 2 very long lists of classic films and books that the authors think all kids (and adults) should watch and read. There are some real beauties in the lists. ET, Flight of the Navigator, The Goonies, The Lord of the Rings and The Star Wars series' are my personal picks from the film list.



The Chronicles of Narnia series, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, the Adrian Mole and Harry Potter books are all favourites that I agree every one, of any age, should read.



I can't claim to be able to tick off all the titles, there are a few I've never heard of: Paper Moon? (film) Kite Rider? (book) Thief Lord? (book) Christmas Story? (book) And there are a few that I've always meant to catch up with but haven't got round to yet - Ferris Bueller's Day Off and Swallows and Amazons for example. So, the list has prompted me to go back and fill in some gaps.

My assumption when I first glanced at both lists was that I would be able to tick off more of the books than the films but I was surprised to find it was the other way round. I was an avid reader when I was a kid, still am in fact. I love buying second hand books and tend to hoard them. I can't wait for the day I live in a big enough house to have a library where I can surround myself with my beloved tomes. Interestingly, a lot of the titles cross over both lists. I guess children's literature lends itself to film as it is often highly visual. I'm always a little hesitant about watching film versions of books that I've enjoyed in case they end up being a let down. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is an all-time favourite read of mine and neither the Gene Wilder nor the Johnny Depp film versions really float my boat (much as I love Johnny Depp). Some films get it spot on though. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, for example, was made absolutely real for me through the films. I like a film version to bring the book alive, whilst retaining the plot, characters and essence from the page. I often find myself picturing how a book would look on screen and have wondered how one gets into writing screen plays. Something for me to look into once the blogging days are over perhaps...

So, I can't say I'll have watched all the films or read all the books they list before I'm 30 but I've certainly ticked off more than half and will enjoy working my way through the rest over the coming months or years.

#54 Be a Daredevil

I shuddered at the sight of this one. A daredevil is most distinctly something I am not. It's not so much that I'm scared of trying new things, I am just very aware of my limitations and am not imbued with a strong desire to push them. Ok, I suppose I'm a wuss.

However, as I'm determined to complete my 101 things to do I asked people to dare me and these are the suggestions I got:

- shave off the husband's eyebrows while he sleeps (rejected - he wouldn't be that bothered)
- eat 2 litre tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (tempting but rejected as it's something I already do without thinking twice)
- wear my underwear over my clothes for a day (rejected - what? you're surprised?!)
- wear my clothes back to front for a day (rejected - although I did consider it..)
- put on an accent on the phone at work for a day (rejected - I run a telephone helpline for God's sake!)
- eat only raw food for a week (rejected - kind of thing I might try for health reasons so not really daring enough)
- dress like Lady Gaga on a night out (rejected - too easy, people wouldn't realise I was even doing a dare)
- stand in a busy place with a sign saying 'Hug Me' (rejected - too much potential for creepy people to take advantage, although if other people got on board I might be interested in group work)
- eat as many donuts as you can, without licking your lips - ACCEPTED!!!!

Now this is my kind of dare! I bought a bag of 12 mini donuts today, covered in cinnamon sugar they were, mmmmmmm. After I'd had my lunch I sat down with the donuts and Joanie as an independent adjudicator and got to work. I knew the urge to lick would be overwhelming and that it would take real concentration to succeed. I could have cheated slightly as they were only small and technically I could have squashed them into my gob without the sugar even touching my lips. However, I didn't feel this would be in the spirit of the thing so I bit through them like a good 'un.



It's amazing how compelled I felt to lick my lips, but I resisted as Joanie will confirm, should she be asked. In total I managed 9 donuts, stopping only because I felt fairly queasy, rather than because I was overwhelmed by the lick reflex. I gave the remaining donuts to Joanie and Shirley who both licked their lips before, during and after eating. Neil had the last one and proudly boasted of how he managed not to lick his lips either. Yeah - try it with 9 of the monkeys buster! See how you get on then...

The book also asks me to dare someone, but cautions that you shouldn't dare someone to do something you wouldn't be prepared to do yourself. Since that only leaves boring things that most people would scoff at I'll omit to bother with this part of the challenge. But I'm giving myself a pink star for the rest of it!

#29 Climb to the Top of a Mountain

If the weather hadn't been quite so flipping cold and snowy the past few months I would have climbed a mountain recently. Honest! I used to be quite the walker. Did the Bronze Duke of Edinburgh's certificate and everything. I'm not a natural athlete. I was put off physical exertion at school when PE focused on sport and competition, rather than exercise, health and fitness. I would probably have been a lot more interested if we'd done cycling, yoga, aerobics, swimming etc - more individual pursuits, you know the kind of thing. So, that's all just my way of saying that I'm not really that fit, and blaming it on someone else.

Still, I love being outside in wide open spaces and enjoy the satisfaction of climbing a peak, and have climbed a few in my time. Recently a friend decided he wanted to scale the 3 major British mountains - Ben Nevis, Scafell Pike and Snowdon. I readily agreed to join him, unfortunately his timescale for doing this didn't fall into my timescale for doing my 'things to do' so I've trawled through the archives to recall the time the husband and I climbed Snowdon (which in Wales).



There are several routes and we chose the hardest one, the Watkin path. A lot of the first part was stepped which was ok to begin with but I soon got tired. And then freaked out a bit when we got to the last bit which is basically loose scree. My legs were shaking and every time I moved the mountain seemed to shift beneath me. It didn't help that a thick mist had descended and I couldn't see the summit anymore. To cut a long, and traumatic story short, I made it up, helped enormously by the husband's encouragement, and promptly burst into tears (I might be smiling, but I was also blubbing).



Check out how misty it was - no wonder I was scared!



I was proud to have made it, scared by how close I felt I had come to plunging to my death and vaguely bemused by the mass of tourist at the top who were wearing flipflops and t-shirts. It turns out a flipping train runs up the other side of the mountain! What a lot of hassle I could have saved myself....

But, the point is I did it. So, orange star for me and a reminder to do a bit training before the big 3...

#85 Write a Story and Get It Published

I have mixed feelings about this one. I love writing and, at the risk of sounding like a cliche, am writing a novel in my spare time. I write a lot in the course of my job and studied English Literature at university. So I value the power of the pen. Which is why I ashamed of what I am about to make public. More public than it already is anyway...

When I was off sick my friend Amanda used to send me copies of 'Chat' magazine. These magazines make me chuckle, full as they are of stories with headlines like 'My husband burst into flames!' It didn't take me long to notice that there was also money to be made from the mag. £100 in return for the story about the day that changed your life. £15 for a timesaving tip and £25 for a story written in 60 words. This was too good to pass up and so ... I wrote this little gem -



My dad's reaction sums it up - "Hardly a classic, but then first publications rarely are'

One day I promise to write something more worthy, but in the meantime here it is, worthy enough to earn me a blue star for the book I reckon.

#28 Learn to Do a Party Trick

According to the book 'a party trick involves doing something no one else can do'. It took me a while to think of anything. Dunc showed me a trick involving spinning cigarette papers on the end of your finger. But as he already knows how to do that, it wouldn't be something only I could do, would it? The book suggests many things, including wiggling your ears. That was when I remembered a 'talent' I have. Touching the end of my nose with my tongue. Oh yes.

Here's a picture of me doing my party trick unsuccessfully:



And here's me doing it properly:



And what it the use of this talent? Well, absolutely nothing. That's sort of the point isn't it? It's just a whimsy to amuse people, fleetingly, at parties. I'll try it at the next one I go to and see how it tickles people.

#92 Have Your Own Plot in the Garden

I have been lucky enough to grow up with gardens in every house I can remember living in. Except when I was a student in Cardiff. Then we had a concreted yard with a washing line. Function over form I feel. When I was small we had a lovely garden at our house in North Devon. There was a sensible gravelled area for the washing line, a lovely big lawn for us to play on, a vegetable patch where my dad grew potatoes and a huge tree at the bottom which my older brother used to climb. You're picturing it aren't you? Yes, it was as lovely as you're imagining.

My mum and I go to Hampton Court Palace Flower Show every year. It's fab. Loads of gorgeous, aspirational show gardens, stunning flowers to admire and covet, retailers selling everything from artwork to gazebos and, tea and cakes of course. Mum's garden is considerably bigger and better maintained than mine but I do try my best. I don't remember ever having a plot in any of my childhood gardens, but I now have a whole one to myself. Here is a picture:



I know it's not very big, or nice. Bear in mind this is early March so nature is still coming out of hibernation. I confess I don't make as much effort with our little corner of green space as I could. The usual excuses apply - too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed with the general state of it, etc. Mum advocates tackling one bit at a time, so with that in mind I cleared the area around the front of the house this week. This is what it looked like before I got to work:



And this is the result:



A vast improvement, I think you'll agree. Not least because the leaves were starting to rot and go smelly. And if you're wondering what the bricks in the plant pots are for - they're there to stop squirrels from digging our plants up. Rotters they are.

The book wants to know how well things grow in my garden. Well, as we live on a new-ish housing estate our 'soil' is mostly builders rubble with a little bit of local, sandy soil thrown on top. This is something of a hindrance to plants growing as well as they might. I quite like planting bulbs as they can stay in the ground year after year, without needing much attention from me. Tulips are my absolute favourites. Unfortunately we don't get much sun in our plot, and rather too many cats using the area for their toilety-doings. This limits how much we use the garden, which in affects how much time I devote to it. The book also asks how often I tend the garden. As I said before, not as often as I should. However, now that the weather has taken a turn for the better and I've been shamed into publishing photos of my excuse for a garden on the interweb, I can assure you I'll be making a lot more effort. And if there's anything worth photographing between now and the end of the month I'll be sure to update you.

#7 Prepare Yourself for Fame

This thing to do brings to mind images of 'celebrities' doesn't it? I read recently that school's career advisors are now having to listen to young girls bleat on about their aspirations to become a WAG when they grow up. (For those who don't know, WAG stands for Wives And Girlfriends - of footballers. So, actually it would be impossible to be a WAG as the acronym is pluralistic....) Quite apart from the tragic blow this aspiration strikes to feminism (really ladies, you desire to be defined and identified solely by the man you marry?!) one of the main purposes of being a WAG is to be famous without having to be good at anything. Except shopping and looking pretty.

It appears to me that there are two ways of looking at fame. 1) Fame as an end in itself, regardless of whether you have a talent or skill worthy of recognition (and we can all think of 'celebrities' like that can't we?) or 2) Fame as a result, by-product even, of being an exceptional human being in one field or another. The book doesn't seem to distinguish between the 2 and allows for the reader to become famous in either fashion. Let's assume that I'm not the sort of person who is interested in being famous for the sake of it,(which I'm not, incidentally) but that I will, one day be a household name. The book asks how I predict I will achieve fame. I don't think this is any time to be humble, so I'm going to shamelessly address my talents. I will become the first female whistling aficionado. I'm really good at whistling. The husband loves it when I whistle along to the Coronation Street theme tune. The world is ready for the next major whistling talent and I reckon it's going to be me. So, when will I achieve this fame? 2012 - in time for the Olympics. My whistling will form the basis of the British Olympic celebratory song, and it will go straight to No 1. I will whistle the national anthem at the Opening Ceremony and the world will sing along.

So, how will this fame affect me? Well, I will obviously be rich. All the major recording artists in the world will want me whistling on their tracks. I will have a house in Beverley Hills, for when I need some sunshine. And I will also have a lovely big house somewhere in the UK. Maybe more than one. Why the hell not? The book wants to know how many servants I will have. 2 obviously. 1 to clean and 1 to help me stay organised and on top of all my public appearances. Will I have a stage name? No. I like the one I've got thanks. Which celebrity will I marry? Well, I think I'll keep the husband I've got, he's pretty fab, even though he's not a celebrity. What type of car will I drive? I'll probably have a lush VW Beetle which has been lovingly restored, a Pagani Zonda - cos they are gaw-jus and a reliable old Land Rover for the husband. Pets and children? 2 of each. Rabbit and guinea pig, son and daughter. I mean let's face it, we're pretending here right? I can have what I like!

What title will I be given by the Queen? Lady Helen of Whistleton. Yes, they will have created a place named in honour of my talent. And what age do I think I'll live to? 150. No sweat. Whistling keeps you young.

Here's my autograph - take note, you'll be seeing this a lot when my perfume, clothing and footwear ranges are launched.

#71 Do Something Nice without Being Asked

Now, I had to remind myself here that this is a children's book. And this is because I've realised adults, or at least the adults I hang out with, are all very nice already. I decided to make yesterday the day I did nice things without being asked. And I have to say, I found it quite difficult. In our office we are always pleasant and considerate to each other. The main way I could do nice things for others today was to basically become the tea girl for the day and cater for everyone's hot drinks demands. I also did a trip to the bins, which no-one ever feels like doing. And no-one asked me to do it. Other than that I couldn't really find ways to be nice without simply getting on people's nerves.

I think I'm generally pretty good at being nice when the occasion calls for it. If someone drops something, I'll stop and pick it up for them, if I see someone struggling up stairs with a buggy I'll offer to help and so on, I'm sure you're just the same so I won't bother going on with all the many ways there are to be nice. I'm actually not sure if it isn't a bit of a shame that the book even has to include 'Do Something Nice without Being Asked' as a thing to do? What does it say about the authors' expectations of their juvenile readers if they think they need to direct them to public spirited acts? Surely children and teenagers are capable of being nice without being told to be? Still, I suppose we can all benefit from a gentle reminder to look out for our fellow man and I will endeavour to continue to take advantage of opportunities to help others because it's just the decent thing to do!

#18 Win Something

I was kind of hanging on to write this one up in the hopes that I might score a major win on the lottery or something. However, that hasn't been forthcoming, so I have turned my attention to a prior win. Just over 3 years ago I entered an online Sudoku competition. And won.

I should add here that Sudoku kept me sane whilst in hospital. I find it very difficult to read in hospital as there are too many interesting stories going on around me to concentrate on the one on the page. Sudoku on the other hand is diverting and easy enough to stretch me, without taxing me unduly. The book asks if the thing I won was due to skill or luck, and I think it was a bit of both. My understanding of the competition as that you had to get the puzzle right to go through, and from there is was pot luck. Anyway, the long and short of it is that I won £100 in high street shopping vouchers!

Have I won anything else? Well, I once won Employee of the Month which was nice. I also won a ton of gorgeous gardening equipment in a draw at Hampton Court Palace Flower Show. Lots of finely made tools, shame they're all still sitting in the attic waiting for a half decent garden to get to work in. I also 'won' a bin once. I say 'won' because I think it was really a giveaway of a prototype bin. Prototype? Well, it was called a SmartBin and had some fancy pants lid system. The 'win' came with a feedback form which makes me think they were giving them away in the hopes of developing the design. And boy did they need it. I gave the bin to my Mum and it has driven her mad ever since. How complicated do you need to make a bin lid for heaven's sake?!

Winning things is nice. I live on in the hopes of winning something really good one day. Sorry - the husband has just reminded me that I've already won his heart. What greater prize could I desire?

#2 Run up an Escalator the Wrong Way

I remember the husband doing this in Top Shop once. I nearly died laughing. It looked hard and the husband is considerably fitter than I am. And he was going down an up escalator, which is the easier half of the deal.



In doing many of these 'things' I have discovered that I am in fact a bit of a scaredy cat and am frightened of situations which might get me into trouble. So I didn't fancy following the suggestion the book gives of using an Underground escalator - way too many people and the escalators are, like, really long on the Tube. So, instead I chose a really short escalator in a little used entrance to the Oracle shopping centre in Reading....

It is all of 5 steps in length. I squared up to it, watching the grey metal relentlessly roll towards me, and made a bid for it. I underestimated how much the exercise would mess up my sense of balance. Regardless of the effort of running up a down escalator, made worse by much laughing, my eyes, legs and brain were all registering different things. It made me feel quite seasick and I tumbled towards. This freaked me out immensely as I was wearing my hair down and was gripped with a terrible dread of my hair getting sucked under and some truly gruesome events unfolding. Also, someone was coming towards the escalator, clearly wanting to descend. I was in the way and going nowhere fast. So, I gave up.

Yes, I know I technically shouldn't get a star or a tick for this one, but I did give it a go and I figure, if I couldn't do it there I wouldn't be able to do it anywhere. And I really did try, it's just that it's really hard!

So, I'm giving myself a star anyway, so there....